ALLEGED INSIGHTS FROM A
MIDDLE AGED ELEMENTARY MUSIC TEACHER
PARANOIA #1 THEY WANT TO SEE ME SWEAT
It is a good thing when kids ask questions even if you are paranoid about being challenged. It is an opportunity for both of you to learn. I have often taken it the wrong way. When I am relaxed and excited by the question and work with students on the answer, my contrived power struggle disappears.
PARANOIA #2 THERE ISN’T ENOUGH TIME TO PREPARE
Yep, I work late like so many teachers and still nothing ever feels completely ready. Sometimes you just need to rest and include the kids in the preparation. If I could tell my 25 year self anything, it would be, breathe and move on. It will pass even though sometimes not so gently.
PARANOIA #3 THERE CAN’T BE MISTAKES
Mistakes are a constant. The more I am afraid of making mistakes, the more they happen. “Yes my little muffins, there is a typo….I meant to say fix not fox.” It’s going to be ok.
PARANOIA #4 I DO NOT UNDERSTAND TECHNOLOGY
I am not too mechanical. I have feared a possessed Reagan less than technology in the past. The power of Christ doesn’t compel this puzzle for me. An engineer, I am not, give me abstract and conceptual any day. The first time I lost text in the 90s without realizing that I could get it back, I almost had a panic attack. In the past, I would have never considered setting up a computer without any help. I don’t know how to that! Well, at least until recently when I really needed to use it. Somehow, I figured it out and it really didn’t hurt too much.
PARANOIA #5 I DIDN’T GET TRAINED IN THAT AREA
So, no, I wasn’t trained to work with special needs students. I have only ever worked with typical students up until the last 11 years. I was as nervous as a lady of the night in church when I first taught some of these youngsters. The poor kids must have felt my anxiety which probably added to their own. With the help of my North Brunswick NJ superstar colleagues, I am finding such a joy working with special needs students. They are so intriguing. Today, a student came up front and took my hand. I would have not been comfortable with the contact in the past. He looked at both sides of his dark skin hand and then looked on both sides of my hand. We smiled and he went back to where he was sitting.
PARANOIA #5 THAT WAS MEANT TO UPSET ME
I am slightly better at this one but I still react and take things too personally from students to adults. This will be a lifelong challenge. It rears its ugly mug in many parts of life. Sticks and stones may seem like the better option sometimes.
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