GRIDLESS ON THE GLOBE
(How I am surviving a week plus without a Facebook fix)
By E. Perryman 5.25.24
Hello friends. I have a sad tale to tell. It is NBD in the grand scheme but it has been life-affecting nonetheless.
Mischievous NJ gnomes have been hot on my trail this week forcing me off the grid. Prayers to the electronic patron saint “Isidore of Seville” were futile. IOS (clever;-) is NO CAP as the kids would say. A patron saint of electronics does exist: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isidore_of_Seville)
My HTTP cloud clown began trending its innocuous internet reign of terror at the beginning of this week.
For the first time since I moved from MySpace to FB in 2008, Facebook incarcerated me from posting, reacting, sharing, and messaging from Tuesday to Friday.
Why, you may wonder? Well, I was fb jailed because I shared a meme on Facebook that I found shared widely on Facebook. My punishment also prevents me from sharing ads or going live for a month. Their algorithm got a good criminal for sure lol. :-(((
My exile this week made me realize how much I connect with people on this forum. I had to figure out solutions to contact folks with time sensitive networking information that I saw posted. So I powerlessly scrolled and did my time; this is virtual kryptonite for an enneagram 8.
On the morning my sentence was to be lifted, I happily picked up my phone to a frozen and lifeless apple logo. No amount of button pressing holding, pressing, charging, hail to Steve Jobs, or internet triage provided relief. Because I couldn’t verify my work Chromebook from my phone via duo mobile, I also couldn’t get online. Holy 1980s. Luckily Judd School’s very own Meghan and Husna secured me a manual code.
So after school, I journeyed to the posh Apple Store. A middle parted hairstyle and tube sock wearing young adult discerned that a factory reset of my iPhone 15 pro max was necessary. With tech support and iCloud data restoration however, my gridless malaise was extended to a full calendar day of no calls, texts, gps, allergy count, and Apple Pay.
Luckily I found a mall rando who was willing to text my wife explaining where I was and when I’d be home. I currently only know about 5 phone numbers now by heart. It truly escapes me why we don’t have pay phones anymore. It seems that we are overly optimistic about the infinite ease of current communication. It doesn’t take much from Mother Nature to bring us back to Walnut Grove. You betcha Mrs Olsen would have a say about me using her new telephone line…..but I digress.
Sadly, the trolls of my cyberspace were not yet done with me.
- I may be out of jail now that I have a working phone but I am still unable to access my fb account. I am not able to verify from 2 sources on my factory reset phone. Now that I’ve scanned my ID, hopefully this will only be 48 more hours or so says the Meta bots.
- My bank also thought I was interacting with a scammer and restricted my account.
- This morning I didn’t have proof of my catering order so I had to rebuy the order. Wheeee I say.
Number 3 brought this whole scena to a screeching round of tears which actually felt nice.
So for now I have insta and Eliz’s page. Thank you, Eliz.
Most importantly, I now have a poignant reminder that I need to periodically practice being off the grid for good measure.
Giddy up.
#akintsucrooner
#facebookjail
#meme
#offline
#walnutgrove
#littlehouse
akintsucrooner 